Imagine being the real Prince of Nigeria. “What you STILL didn’t get my email??
How Do You Know You’re Getting Older?
When you realized someone has been your friend for 15 years and you didn’t go to high school or college with them.
TweetCiabatta Bread, Roundabouts and Guys Hugging
I’m perfectly okay with ciabatta bread, roundabouts and guys hugging. What bugs me is that our culture sprung these things on us with no warning and no one spoke up. Two years ago restaurants served wheat, white and rye, we used stop signs and traffic lights, and guys shook hands. One day that all changed and we all pretended that it was the new way all along.
TweetOatmeal Cream Pies
If crack cocaine is anything like Oatmeal Cream Pies, I can get what the fuss is about.
TweetOne Hit Wonder Words
There are some words that are only used in combination with one other specific word. Like “skimpy.” The only thing ever described as “skimpy” is a bikini.
TweetJudging Intelligence
Don’t judge someone’s intelligence by the answers he gives. Judge it by the questions he asks.
TweetWhy Guys Shut Down in Arguments
Thousands of years’ of evolution has led to men having one basic goal in any argument with a spouse or girlfriend. It’s not about sharing our feelings, it’s not a about a mutually beneficial resolution, it’s not even about being right. It’s about getting yelled out as little as possible. After our first dozen arguments we’ve learned that talking leads to getting yelled at a lot. Not talking leads to getting yelled at less.
TweetMy Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know that almost everything is in that first category.
The Difference Between Your First Baby and Your Third Baby
With the first kid, you’re hesitant to leave him alone with your spouse. With the third kid you’re like “hmm… wonder if the homeless guy at the gas station can watch her while I run in and use the john.”
TweetMy Daily Calorie Consumption
My daily calorie consumption:
Breakfast -3%
Lunch- 5%
Snacks – 7%
Dinner – 10%
Crap I eat while packing the kids’ lunches – 75%